Just in case there is someone out there looking for my blogs on a weekly basis, I want to apologize for missing last week. My body had other plans for me, for I’ve been both wiped out and having to use [...]]]> (This is the tenth in the God Retires series begun in November, 2010.)

Just in case there is someone out there looking for my blogs on a weekly basis, I want to apologize for missing last week. My body had other plans for me, for I’ve been both wiped out and having to use what energy I have had to arrange another trip to Spokane, Washington, for gamma knife surgery to kill what we used to think were benign schwannoma cells growing in the middle of my brain, but which are now suspected of possibly being malignant. So this is an example of how “my story” derives from my body and my life. What it’s all taught me is that I have to unlearn virtually everything I’ve learned to date.

In my prior blog, I illustrated this with a link to Bruce Lipton who offered his wisdom about how I might rethink my inner world. He encapsulated in some ten minutes what it took me well more than ten years to uncover from the inside out, so it seemed a much faster way to make my point, in spite of the fact that when it comes to personal transformation, I believe there can be no true shortcuts, for it takes much more than changing one’s mind. Nonetheless, for people like me, every insight or ah ha bit of data along the way can be helpful.

So this week I’ve decided to refer you to information offering a different and concise perspective on the outer world/universe we live in. Therefore, I’m starting with this link about Quantum Physics which is perhaps an even more awesome summary of what I now accept as the world I actually do live in versus what I’ve always thought it to be. So if you’d like to join me on this exploration, I encourage you to go to:

https://www.google.com/url?url=http://www.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3D6fWtBq8uWKE&rct=j&sa=X&ei=mfO_TvScB4iZiQKglbmrAw&ved=0CHwQuAIwCg&q=Quantum+Physics+&usg=AFQjCNGBFf5XUXcM3yX5NomvEolqdDKGiw&cad=rja

Beyond these links, new and relevant information around our origins is readily available now, as page 167 of the October 14 issue of Science magazine illustrates. It features an article detailing how new information gleaned from fossils from three continents now “marks a turning point in views of modern human origins.” It appears that the various creation stories we’ve embraced for our sense of identity are just that: stories! The above link describes this phenomenon eloquently and it boils down to the probability “that reality as I know it does not exist”!

I doubt that I would be ready to absorb much of this information, were it not for my advanced age and failing health. How much longer I’ll be around remains to be seen, but since I’d much rather experience this closing chapter of my life as positively as possible and death itself as blissful, I’m probably more highly-motivated to change my perception of reality than most.

In fact, just in the past few days I’ve come to a deeper level of understanding about myself.   When I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia somewhere around 1995, I was aware that I didn’t want to die by inches and since traditional doctors could barely help me, my dream of a quick death appeared unlikely. This was why I so aggressively pursued every healing opportunity in my hopes of returning to “normal.” But I no sooner had I licked that condition, than another ailment presented itself and this pattern has been going on seamlessly for fifteen or more years.

For all this time, I have been trying to defy what I now understand to be my destiny, for this ailing body has brought me to my knees and served as both my nemesis and the instrument for my growth. It’s why I’m writing these blogs about my life experiences, for they have been my teachers in this school of life. And it’s why, perhaps more than others, I’m ready to rewrite my history and rethink my origins.

The final bit of wisdom I want to offer in this blog is David Wilcock’s (http://divinecosmos.com/) own summary of his book released in August that within weeks made it onto the best-sellers list. It’s titled The Source Field Investigations (and by the way, I think he was the fair-haired fellow who was featured among others in the link you just saw; if you had time to check it out).

The Big Picture:

As I [David Wilcock] wrote in the previous article, The Source Field Investigations paints a “big picture” that is quite an adjustment for the average person…but is nonetheless backed up with extensive evidence:

• DNA is a product of quantum energy wave, and is written into the basic laws of the Universe;
• The laws that govern the formation of life on Earth also govern the behavior of matter and energy in the Cosmos;
• The human design is intrinsic to this galaxy, and probably a good bit of the entire Universe;
• Other humans have progressed much, much farther, spiritually and technologically, than we have;
• Those humans colonized Earth in the times of Atlantis, and their skulls reveal brain capacities significantly larger than ours;
• These people were largely wiped out by a self-inflicted cataclysm caused by nuclear war between rival colonies;
• The survivors built pyramids to heal and stabilize the Earth on its axis in the aftermath of this catastrophe;
• They had direct knowledge of a natural cycle that propels each inhabited planet through quantum evolutionary leaps;
• They were aware of a physical gland in the human brain that governs ESP and is “ activated” by this natural cycle;
• They knew this galaxy-driven cycle had an exact end-point, measurable by a 25,920-year wobble on any inhabited planet;
• They extensively encoded prophecies of this cycle, and its ultimate effects, in dozens of ancient myths worldwide;
• They honor the Law of Free Will through most of a planet’s evolution, but are allowed to re-appear at the end of a cycle;
• The completion of the cycle creates an energetic springboard that gives humans remarkable “Ascended” abilities;
• World governments are utterly incapable of interfering with this process, regardless of what they may try to do.

You may not hear from me again in the next few weeks but I’m hoping to be able to return in December.

(To be continued…)

Since the only constant in life is change, just living is, by definition, an ongoing process of adjustment.  Experiencing and observing all of this change over many decades has led me to conclude that life itself has been my best [...]]]> (This is the ninth in a series of blogs that began in Nov. 2010.)

Since the only constant in life is change, just living is, by definition, an ongoing process of adjustment.  Experiencing and observing all of this change over many decades has led me to conclude that life itself has been my best teacher and thereby the school for my soul. While both life and change are challenging, it seems change is particularly so, for nine out of ten of us would apparently rather die than change (which is a little gem of info I got from a magazine I bought at an airport newsstand in 2005). So how I handle or relate to change will pretty much determine how I experience life. But I, like most, seem to have this almost instinctive resistance to change that seems to come from somewhere deep within my basic design.

I’ve long wondered about the source of this resistance, so I was delighted when I recently came upon the following link by author and lecturer Bruce Lipton http://youtu.be/EeUrU-UA858 in which he explains the underlying reasons for this phenomenon and why bringing the unconscious part of ourselves into consciousness is so important. I found his message most reassuring, for he basically validates what these past fifteen years of my life have been about. The information he provided also gives me a fresh perspective around why my decision to shift my identity, as described in my Big Bang blog, has taken so long and been so challenging!

My grandfather had been a doctor, so my conditioning from childhood had been to believe that doctors knew what was best for me. But this whole experience has taught me, in a very personal way, the downside of abdicating my own responsibility for knowing and being in right relationship with my own body, because I’m one of those who doesn’t fit easily into our traditional Western medical model, which seems more focused on my parts rather than my whole.

This meant that I had to find the more holistic practitioners, which is when I discovered the truth of that adage “when the student is ready, the teacher will appear”. Although it took a while, I finally found a friend who knew somebody who knew somebody, etc., and one referral led to another.   The learning curve was remarkable and the non-traditional treatments I received ultimately proved effective. Eventually, with the help of several gifted, alternative healers, the fibromyalgia was cured, though it took several years and required patience and many changes.

It was also during this process, that two doctor friends informed me that close to 90% of all health problems are the result of the patient’s lifestyle habits, so it’s even more clear that taking personal responsibility for one’s health is the most effective way to avoid illness, though other factors still come into play as well, which means that there is still no guarantee, as I’ve also learned.

Lest I give the wrong impression here, I want to express my sincere gratitude for what our Western medical model does do very well in many areas, like the two radio-frequency ablation procedures I needed for my heart with its A-Fib which has also been cured! I now depend on both traditions, allopathic and nontraditional, and am learning which to favor for what problem and finding more often than not, that I need a combination of the two. However, finding providers who are willing and ready to work cooperatively like this is still not easy for a variety of reasons not the least of which is that it can be time-consuming.

Fairly early in my long quest for health, I happened across Caroline Myss’ book Anatomy of the Spirit which led me to conclude that I wasn’t just having a physical crisis, but a spiritual one. Several years earlier, on the recommendation of my stepdaughter, Patricia, I had read the book Fear No Evil (which was channeled by Eva Pierrakos from her Guide, transcribed and then edited by Donovan Thesenga). I had found it the most profound of all of the psychology/spirituality books I’d read to that point so off I went to The Sevenoaks Pathwork Center in Madison, Virginia (near Charlottesville), for a Memorial Day workshop.

Again, my hopes for a simple solution were dashed, for it showed me that I needed a lot more deep, emotional unpacking. No simple or easy solutions! So I signed up for their package and flew there one weekend a month, nine months of the year for five years. With the help of the very wise and loving professionals there, I learned a whole lot more about change, most particularly, that real and meaningful change takes time and is not for sissies (I found self-forgiveness very challenging).

I might have chosen another of the many worthy approaches to physical health and spiritual growth, but this turned out to be the best introduction for me because it became clear that I needed to find and penetrate that Teflon layer of defenses around my heart which going to church, prayer, Bible study, reading and counseling had failed to crack.

Probably the reason the Pathwork approach worked so well for me was that they used the Master Teacher model Fr. Charlie referred to, for though we had reading to do, their process primarily supported each of us in identifying and working through whatever emotionally-based issues were forefront in our lives at the moment, which concurrently taught us how to take total personal responsibility for it. All this helped me discover the vast difference between knowing something in my head and experiencing it in my heart where my ego couldn’t cover up my true feelings. Thankfully, the heart can’t lie!!

This whole process required indirect changes, for the ripple effect meant that change in one area of my life necessitated adjustments in the others as well, all of which has taught me about surrender and loss, both of which are pretty much what getting old is all about. It’s been a process of “intensive self-realization,” one in which I have learned a great deal about what has gotten in the way of my surrender to change, in particular, my fear:

I’ve come to a crossroad where I’ve seen the old inner landscape where there is fear: fear of life, fear of death, fear of pleasure, fear of giving up control, fear of feelings – fear of being per se.  It takes considerable self-confrontation to become aware of these fears.  They are usually covered up, but they exist nevertheless. (Pathwork Lecture #158)

Furthermore, I’ve come to accept that:

Only within myself can I recognize the very special meaning and purpose of this life and the individual tasks that I have to fulfill for the purpose of life is not to have it as comfortable as possible but to develop towards a higher state in order to reach perfect bliss as rapidly as possible which is a state that doesn’t exist on earth. (Pathwork Lecture #3).

Hmmm. I must confess that the little girl in me likes the idea that clearing out all these bad and sad tapes from my unconsciousness might have a benefit for my everlasting soul!

Yes, change is the constant but how I respond to it is my choice and whether and how I make that choice matters. I’ve found that my attitude, how I choose to feel and think about a given situation that’s calling for change, makes all the difference in the world, as Father Charlie’s story about Margaret’s passing illustrated. Other habits of mind we would be wise to cultivate, according to Father Charlie, are: remembering that the inevitability of eternal life is the way we rid ourselves of the fear of death, which is the ultimate fear of loss; and remembering that failure to rid ourselves of this fear leads to criminality and virtually all other dysfunctional human behaviors. These have been very motivating ideas to me, for peace on earth would be a most exciting way to welcome in a New Golden Age which many feel 2012 could be about!

WOW! If we really did this we might even be able to create a heaven right here on earth for ourselves and one another! What a lovely vision to aspire to! It would certainly make surrender and confronting my own little ego with all its fears worth the effort!! And it might even make me healthier as well.

On the topic of eternal life, for Father Charlie it was not a question but a reality. We have life eternal whether we like it or not. However, it is not just something to believe in, it’s to know and [...]]]> This is the eighth in a series of blogs that began in November, 2010.

On the topic of eternal life, for Father Charlie it was not a question but a reality. We have life eternal whether we like it or not. However, it is not just something to believe in, it’s to know and feel at the deepest level. This was recognized and taught in the early church, as was reincarnation, which was dropped sometime during the reign of Emperor Theodosius (who was the last to rule over a united Roman Empire) from 375 to 395.

It seems Theodosius’ wife was a very promiscuous woman and among her lovers was the Bishop. Evidently, she became infuriated over the number of times she heard about how she would pay for her sins in subsequent lives so she demanded that reincarnation be removed from the teachings and texts. And, so it was.

One of the many serious consequences of the loss of the teaching about reincarnation is that we who were raised in the Christian faith are afraid of death; afraid that it is The End of us. Remembering the inevitability of eternal life is the way we rid ourselves of the fear of death, which is the ultimate fear of loss. According to Father Charlie, failure to rid ourselves of this fear leads to criminality and virtually all other dysfunctional human behaviors.

Father Charlie went on to say that one of the best kept secrets of organized religion revolves around a phenomenon known as the ecstasy of death. He told the story of a women named Margaret whom he had been visiting for some time during her terminal illness. One day he entered her room to find her radiant, glowing, joyful. “Margaret, you look wonderful! What’s happened?” “I’m feeling the ecstasy of death” she replied. They talked a bit and finally he asked her, “Margaret, do you want to continue to live?” “No” she replied. “Are you ready to die?” “Yes” came the answer. “Then Margaret, it’s alright to let go. Breathe deeply and let go.” As she did as Father Charlie suggested and crossed over, her out-breath filled the room with such powerful loving energy that the nurse who entered moments later was taken aback and asked “What’s happened here?” The radiant light continued to fill the room for some time.

This ecstasy of death is an almost overwhelming experience of being embraced by the love of the Divine. Death is awaiting us all and our attitude towards it needs to be shifted from fear to acceptance, even joyful anticipation, for we can best live life freely and joyfully when we no longer fear death: our own or that of another.

During the Q. & A. time, one participant brought up the basic law of physics pertaining to action and reaction and how prevalent it is not just in our physical world but how it permeates and polarizes our everyday lives. Immediately, Father Charlie shifted his focus to Isaac Newton, who is best known for his discovery of gravity. Newton was also a devoted (closet) alchemist (to go public with this would have cost him his life) who delved deeply into the science of magnetism both physically and spiritually. He did experiments showing the correlation between gravity and magnetism and posited that grace is the theological power of attraction and that religion is about bonding. Bonding, grace and gravity are all part of one another in a beautiful merger of all that is, including whatever we usually think of as separate, as, for instance, science and religion. The nature of grace is that it acts like a magnet (which was what made Jesus literally so attractive, so compelling) and this is related to telepathy – another No-No to the Church.

Newton’s work around this is just one of many instances of our having lost the original and richer understanding behind images and rituals that used to have a positive effect in overcoming the inherent duality that so divides us today. Another example involves the Eucharist, which actually originated during the time of Goddess religions. The people of ancient, pre-patriarchal times recognized the darkness of the night sky as related to the feminine and the material world, while daylight related to the masculine and the great bull, as the child of the night sky. They honored the relationship between the two and gave them equal value. So the Eucharist, as it is practiced today, has not only lost its original meaning but the value it had of honoring a deeper relationship between dark and light, masculine and feminine; in other words, contributing to mutuality rather than separation.

Father Charlie had a lot to say about community. Humans have been living on this continent for over 20,000 years and were once more sophisticated then than now about living in community.  He referred to the governing principles of the Iroquois Nation as reflective of their greater wisdom about how to live in community. He explained that their form of governance prevailed over this continent for thousands of years and that it is time to go back and reintroduce their wisdom and ways. (Interestingly enough, the most popular book Benjamin Franklin ever wrote was about the Iroquois Nation. Many of the ideas our Founding Fathers included in our Constitution were based on what we learned from the Iroquois. Unfortunately, they rejected some of the most important principles: they allowed slavery, and they omitted women from governance.)

The primary function of government is to make decisions for the commons and this should not be left simply up to men. By nature, women are more collaborative, more inclusive and willing to share responsibility. Men’s egos interfere with their capacity to do all that’s required for building community by themselves. Both men and women must have a role. The Iroquois have both a Grandmother’s Council and a Grandfather’s Council, but the lead one is the Grandmother’s Council for women are considered best at creating and maintaining community. These skills need to be further cultivated and applied, for they will be increasingly needed in the times ahead. Father Charlie shared his sense, based on personal experience, that the fusion of heart/minds is true community and the ultimate form of community is love. It is where duality yields to unity.

The model that is the antithesis to this is the Catholic Church, in particular. As with other religions, it is fundamentally a military model, founded by Constantine and based on hierarchy, laws, obedience and fear. The church is oriented to training and putting information and beliefs into its followers. Much of what is taught is nonsensical and therefore can contribute to schizophrenia and a general loss of self-respect. At its worst, it can turn people into slaves. Real education involves seeing the innate perfection and intelligence within each individual and assisting them in bringing this out, for in this way, they are affirmed and can begin to feel themselves as both worthy and lovable. This builds on their assets and creates a ripple effect on all around them, thus creating the magnetic effect of grace, as Isaac Newton discovered long ago.

Father Charlie’s scholarship and life experiences led him to conclude that we are at the bottom of THE DARK AGES in terms of human evolution, in a slide that began 5,000 years ago. Ancient humans were much more in touch with their inner knowing, connected to the world they lived in and competent in making community work than we are now. We have declined to such a low point that virtually no one can access that wisdom except from within, for so much of it has been destroyed or was simply not recorded anywhere.

In my opinion, Father Charlie was a remarkably rare and living example of someone who was able to access and live his inner wisdom, for he overcame his little ego and its inherent duality by integrating his right (feminine) and left (masculine) brain capacities. Integrating these enhanced his scholarship with a heart-centered presence capable of love, compassion and forgiveness.

It was seven and a half years ago when I heard Fr. Charlie and felt inspired to capture his remarks on paper. In summarizing what he said then, I realize how differently I heard and understood his words at the time, versus their meaning to me now. Back then, I sensed their value and “got” them with my mind, but in the interval, I’ve learned how challenging it can be to try to do what he did and assimilate his words into my own essence and everyday life. I’ve learned a lot and the more I’ve learned, the more I’ve learned how much I don’t know and how much I thought I knew was neither true nor in my own highest and best interest. The more I’ve realized this, the more I’ve realized how many of my own beliefs, attitudes and behaviors needed to be let go of, for many aspects of me have needed to die. Like all change, this process has been anything but easy. But I’ve also come to feel that it’s what I’m here for. Every soul is here for a reason and following this path has been mine.

In my church going years I’d learned that there were two ways to salvation: through faith and through good works. I unsuccessfully tried both of those avenues and have since discovered that there is a third, older, and I believe more effective way which I call salvation through personal transformation, which was taught by the ancient Wisdom Schools and captured in various quotes attributed to Jesus from both The Gospel of Thomas and The Book of Thomas in the Naghammadi Library. In a prior blog I referred to one from The Book of Thomas, so now I will use part of one from The Gospel of Thomas which says:

Rather, the kingdom [of God] is inside you and outside you. When you know yourselves, then you will be known and will understand that you are children of the living Father.  But if you do not know yourselves, then you live in poverty and embody poverty.

If you’re one who agrees with Father Charlie that we’re in THE DARK AGES, then it may be time to recognize that this is what we humans have created for ourselves! As Mahatma Ghandi observed: “The only devils in the world are those running around in our own hearts and that is where all the battles should be fought.” This sounds a lot like what our ancestors were teaching several thousand years ago.

I’m naïve enough to believe that we can create a heaven on earth, but it can only happen one person at a time, with one transformed soul helping another to discover the power of love and our universal oneness. We all know what separates us. Isn’t it time to discover those fundamental aspects of our humanity which serve to unite us?

(Themes from Father Charlie’s remarks will be explored in subsequent blogs.)

God:

In your prior blog you wove together some quite disparate pieces of information that led  to a conclusion that is anything but mainstream, so I suspect readers may be wondering where and how you came by it.

Janet:

Well, [...]]]> This is the seventh in a series of blogs that began in November, 2010.

God:

In your prior blog you wove together some quite disparate pieces of information that led  to a conclusion that is anything but mainstream, so I suspect readers may be wondering where and how you came by it.

Janet:

Well, I certainly can’t pretend it’s original because I’ve picked it up from a lot of the usual sources such as people, books, documentaries and so on; in other words, just living my life with my eyes wide open. Having a curious mind that connects dots has helped, too.

For instance, one person who had a huge impact on my consciousness was a retired Catholic priest by the name of Fr. Charles Moore who came to speak to the Whitefish affiliate of IONS (The Institute of Noetic Sciences) in May of 2004. He spoke to a packed house at our local Grange Hall. Father Charlie was a true Renaissance man: a spiritual leader, historian, scholar and an exceptional linguist who studied more than a dozen languages including Japanese, Russian, Greek, Sanskrit and Hawaiian.  Along the way, he’d also managed to graduate from law school! Just in case you peg him as some esoteric, intellectual academic type, he was anything but, for his experiences as an inner city priest ministering to street kids and their gangs gave him an extraordinary breadth of understanding about the human experience that enriched the wisdom he derived from his scholarship.

Father Charlie’s greatest teacher was Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel who was born in 1770 in Berlin and lived until 1831. My 1985 Encyclopedia Britannica describes Hegel as a “German Idealist philosopher who developed a dialectical scheme that emphasized the progress of history and ideas from thesis to antithesis and thence to a higher and richer synthesis.” In but one illustration of how this dynamic works in reality, Fr. Charlie related it to the human brain, with synthesis representing the corpus colossum, or that part that connects the left (masculine) and right (feminine) hemispheres of our brains. He elaborated further on this and many other themes, drawing on highly-technical information from a vast array of sources and multiple disciplines to develop his thesis, which I found extraordinary in its scope and depth.

I simply can’t recall any time I’ve heard a theologian (or person from any other discipline) whose expertise was as extensive and inclusive as Father Charlie’s. I was so impressed by him that I felt compelled to write up my notes, though I knew there was no way I could do justice to his presentation. The following summarizes what I found to be his most significant points, with one omission, for I remember having to stop my note taking when he presented his version of the creation story because I was afraid I would miss something. Basically and eloquently, his creation story bypassed Adam and Eve and, instead, went directly to the Big Bang, which is perhaps why I’ve felt on firmer ground to do likewise. Other than this, I did my best to capture the essence of what I heard which I wrote up as follows:

He began the evening with the words “good evening Master Teachers. Let me explain what I mean by that. A Master Teacher is one who never tells a person what to think, to believe or to do. They guide each of us to find our own answers.”  He went on to ask “Do you remember?” In response to the reply “What”? he answered “That you have the power to know the truth in your own heart/mind which is where the ultimate wisdom and manifesting power resides.”

We are so much more than we believe ourselves to be or are willing to own. In his many years on the streets working with gang members, Father Charlie found this understanding to be central to his effectiveness in connecting with them, for it reached them at the heart of their deepest wound: that of their self-respect, or more particularly, their lack of it. By recognizing and affirming them at this point of their emptiness, he found he could help them dramatically more than by simply teaching scripture. Unfortunately, “Priests don’t know how to give people self-respect.” (Nor are they taught that that is the most effective way to help people.) Several times during the evening Father Charlie emphasized the importance of having balance between one’s ego and one’s self-image. Thinking either too highly or too critically of oneself reflects an out-of-balance ego and that clouds our judgments which interfere with our ability to make healthy and constructive choices.

Father Charlie explained that he found the word God too limiting and misleading relative to the fulsome power actually involved, and that less specific words like Source, Divine and Creator more accurately reflect the real and all encompassing nature of our origins. Changing this image of Source helps us recognize that the Divine manifesting power resides within every human heart. Once we find it, our purpose is to help others find it within themselves, as well. We are created in the image of the Divine. Discovering this and passing it on is what we’re here for. The catch in this is that once we’re so empowered we also become responsible for what we do with that power and few people want that much responsibility.

Father Charlie said the fundamental question facing us all is ”How do I discover who I am and how do I lead my life to be in a constant state of ecstasy?” Getting to the answer to this question took the rest of his talk. He began by going to the root meaning of key words and giving a slightly different interpretation than is commonly understood. He did this frequently so his scholarship as a linguist strongly enriched the content of his message. Seeing the original meaning of words helped to reveal how, over centuries, our images around the messages have been changed…to our impoverishment.

Father Charlie’s observation about sex was that the physical experience we are so obsessed with is pale in comparison to the fusion of hearts/minds that make true community and capture the ultimate form of love. What I found refreshing was his acknowledgment that the pursuit of sexual and other forms of ecstasy is a healthy and constructive aspect of our spiritual lives which was both recognized and accepted in early Christianity.

In fact, Father Charlie observed, the truth about Christianity is that it claims to be original when actually it plagiarized just about everything. He gave some examples such as the virgin birth which was taken from Egyptian and other popular mythologies of the times. The purpose was to make Jesus more than a simple human, so He could be bigger than life, more Godlike and therefore worshipped as God. His view on the major contribution of Jesus was that he grafted a Buddhist shoot onto the tree of Judaism. He cited substantive reasons for his conclusion. Enough for now.

Reflection: This is the first time I’ve reviewed my write-up in quite a few years and I’m experiencing strong feelings of gratitude to Fr. Charlie for he was the first and, to date, only person I’ve ever known who put all these pieces together in such a wholistic and scholarly way.  I’ve come to many of the same conclusions through my own observations and studies but I’ve lacked the depth and breadth of his scholarship, so revisiting this has been most affirming and comforting. In the spring following his visit his book Synthesis was published which I will comment upon after concluding this report in my next blog.

(To be continued…)

God:

What have you learned from pulling together your story about your parents?

Janet:

It has revealed to me that reaching a greater understanding of them has been but the tip of a [...]]]> This is the sixth in a series of blogs that began in November, 2010.

God:

What have you learned from pulling together your story about your parents?

Janet:

It has revealed to me that reaching a greater understanding of them has been but the tip of a much deeper iceberg that goes back to the very beginning of creation. I’ve also found that doing my own inner work in dissecting this parent-child relationship with them and with You has been fundamental to knowing myself and helpful in following my own path towards becoming my true self.

God:

If you see a connection between your parents and me, may I suggest that you elaborate further. And I trust you’ll be explaining what you consider to be your true self.

Janet:

Oh, my, where to begin! I guess I might as well start with the Big Bang for it’s probably the most widely accepted theory of creation. Once I gave this serious thought and decided to go back that far, it became the source point for my line of reasoning, which meant I could no longer separate myself from the probability that there must be a an imprint from that original energy somewhere in my own DNA. The next implication that followed was that if I have this very ancient remnant in me, then so does everything and everybody else, meaning that I am in some way related to all the rest of Your creation whether I see it or not, believe it or not or like it or not! It’s reassuring to know that quantum physics is now giving even more support to this theory.

My simplistic understanding of the Big Bang was that it was an energetic explosion that began the original separation from You, at which point duality came into being and a relationship was established between the creator and the created, between the parts and the whole. So energy, duality, identity and relationship have been the primary common threads leading me to see myself as a microcosm or a mirror reflection of Your larger macrocosm. I am my own self-contained body derived from Your original energy which is composed of ever so many parts that are different but interdependently-related to one another, just as I am different but interdependently-related to all that surrounds me.

I first came upon this concept in 1970 from author and scientist Barry Commoner’s ground breaking book The Closing Circle, in which he set forth his four immutable laws of ecology, the first one being “everything is related to everything else.” Some thirty years later at an IONS workshop, I met a gentleman who gifted me with a remarkable book (which I highly-recommend) titled Oneness, by Rasha, who presented a similar concept but from a metaphysical perspective. They were perfect bookends reflecting the physical and metaphysical approaches to this fundamental truth. Accidents? I don‘t think so!

God:

It appears that this process has assisted you in becoming more aware of your own inherent design, including the dualities!

Janet:

Indeed, and though the All is seamless, of course, I see my primary duality as that between the third dimensional, physical Janet, identified by my flesh and bones body, and the fourth dimensional non-physical Janet, where my higher self spirit and soul reside, containing my amorphous intuitive and creative capabilities. I’ve heard stories of many great artists, composers and scientists whose creativity was attributed to their capacity to access this part of themselves. However, despite subtle evidence to the contrary, I’d never thought that a similar fourth dimensional world related to ordinary me, at least not until the spring of 2000 at the Sevenoaks Pathwork Center outside of Charlottesville, Virginia.

In 1997 I’d signed up for their five year Personal Transformation Program because I’d realized (thanks to reading Carolyn Myss’ book Anatomy of the Spirit) that my physical problems, most particularly the fibromyalgia, had a spiritual origin. Towards the end of four years of deep emotional work, I’d managed to cut through some significant defenses associated with experiences in this lifetime. During these years, I’d learned that anger always covers pain and I had worked through quite a bit of both, when I suddenly felt an intense, pent up fury that demanded expression. I exploded physically until collapsing in exhaustion, but the anger remained. As I tried to release it by centering, it was replaced by tears, then sobs and wails; my breaking heart was dimly reliving an excruciatingly painful and traumatic past life event.  The simple act of revisiting and releasing this memory was followed by the highest high I could possibly imagine. For five plus weeks, I virtually floated about in an ethereal state of ultimate cosmic bliss which I now understand as pure LOVE. As is true for many others having similar experiences, I could not sustain it and after I came back down to earth I returned to my same old strictly third-dimensional “reality”-centered sense of self.

In spite of this powerful experience, my self-image still did not change, nor did I give much more than lip service to this question of whether I’m a spiritual being having a human experience or a human being seeking a spiritual experience. In fact, it’s only been in this past few years that I’ve firmly concluded my true origins are of fourth dimension and beyond, which has meant that I am having to work through the impact this different perspective might have on my life as I attempt to live into its reality.

God:

Before you get into that, you might note the important role your own intuition has played along the way in spite of the fact that you’ve seldom consciously called on it and even ignored it on occasion  – to your own regret I might note!

Janet:

Ah, yes and good point for you are right! Other words for this place of knowing could be conscience or spirit and there’s no question that although I’ve always been somewhat aware of it, I’ve not valued this nebulous part of me equally with the more tangible, mind-oriented me.  For instance, what might be thought of as conscience or spirit came to the forefront after my divorce from Tom in 1977 which, by the way, I had wanted, yet grieved over. Regardless of the circumstances, divorce can serve as a painful wake-up call, especially for one who’s aware of her own share of the responsibility for it.

It’s been said that those who don’t learn from their past will repeat it in a sort of Ground Hog Day scenario and I’ve noticed that I’ve learned the most from my failures though the lessons that may not become clear until later! But at that time, part of my grief was around that nagging feeling of having fallen short, of having let myself (and You) down, for it revolved around my feelings of failure that I’d not been able to live up to Jesus’ central commandment around love.

Even before that I’d found myself disgruntled by this teaching ,which I’d believed was the measure for my life, for, in spite of doing my best to fulfill it by faithfully attending church, engaging in Bible study and more, I felt that I was making little or no progress, which left me feeling guilty and shameful. This has motivated me to replace the old concept of original sin with original shame, which I feel more accurately describes what’s actually going on, plus it doesn’t trigger my denial or guilt buttons! In fact, I’ve experienced this “sinner” label as actually contributing to what it’s supposedly designed to correct, for the more shameful I feel, the less willing I am to work on myself, making the “go and sin no more” admonition even more elusive.  In other words, to be able to love myself and You, I’ve had to more fully know all of me including those shameful parts.

Choosing to do this has made me better able to recognize and feel genuine affection and compassion for equally fallible fellow strugglers! Initially, my motivation behind all this had been primarily for my own health and peace of mind but when I came across the quote of Jesus from The Book Of Thomas in The Nag Hammadi Library, I realized my quest was more than just personal, for it read: “For whoever does not know self does not know anything, but whoever knows self already has achieved knowledge about the depth of the universe.” “Wow,” I thought, “I wonder how many other significant gems like this were omitted from the Bible as a result of The First Council of Nicea in AD 325!” What a huge difference this simple sentence would have made in my life had I been taught in a way consistent with its intention! Well, it’s an idea whose time has returned, so we’ve included it in our logo: a depiction of the Tree of Life superimposed on a naturalistic yin/yang symbol surrounded by the words “Know Thyself and Thou Shalt Know the Universe.”

(To be continued…)

(I wrote this last spring and somehow overlooked posting it then, but have decided to do so now. After all, readers could find the topic relevant to this fall season as well, what with turkeys possibly making a reappearance and the third and final Mercury in retrograde event occurring from Nov. 24th [...]]]>

(I wrote this last spring and somehow overlooked posting it then, but have decided to do so now. After all, readers could find the topic relevant to this fall season as well, what with turkeys possibly making a reappearance and the third and final Mercury in retrograde event occurring from Nov. 24^th until Dec. 13^th.)

I’m blessed to live on thirty-five beautiful wooded acres on the side of a low mountain which offers me both splendid distant views and first-hand interactions with diverse animal species.  This proximity to nature along with my expanded consciousness around my relationship to Her has made me a much more tuned in observer and open recipient to nature’s messengers and the meaning behind their messages.

After what seemed like a long hiatus in our interaction (perhaps due in part to winter) this past week brought three events worth noting and sharing.  The first was the return of that nuisance flicker who has periodically made his presence known by drumming on the metal of my chimney. My first reaction was, “Oh, you again. Okay I hear you!” I assumed I knew what he was telling me, but I wasn’t open to his message so I shooed him away. When he returned a few days later and didn’t leave as I tried to send him away, I just ignored him. The third time he returned, I was on the phone with a friend and when I expressed my annoyance she said “Janet, if you want him to stop, you’d better look the flicker up in the Animal Speak book [by Ted Andrews],” but I said I already knew what he was there to tell me. Wrong!!

Then shortly thereafter, I was coming home one evening after sunset but before dark, and as I turned into the driveway, a lone turkey was waiting right there for me in the middle of the entrance! I expected her to move out of the way as I approached but she didn’t, so I paused!   Turkeys are regular visitors mostly in the spring and fall but they usually appear in groups and, when approached by a car, move leisurely back into the undergrowth, so this was most out of the ordinary! Several moments passed before she began what seemed to me to be a very intentional pattern from one side of the driveway to the other, criss-crossing in front of me three times as we both moved slowly up the incline.  Once she’d established her command of the situation, she moseyed on in the very center of the driveway at her own good pace occasionally looking back at me.  I felt alternately impatient and curious as to how long this was going to go on, for we have a very long and winding driveway. Finally, after what I’d estimate as about three hundred yards, she moved off into the woods leaving me scratching my head wondering what this was all about!!

It wasn’t until the next morning that I decided I’d better refresh my memory about turkeys in the Animal Speak book to pay due respect to this unusual encounter. It said: “The turkey is sometimes called the earth eagle.  It has a long history of association with spirituality and the honoring of the Earth Mother. It is a symbol of all the blessing that the Earth contains, along with the ability to use them to their greatest advantage.” Lucky me!

Once I read about the turkey, I decided I’d better also look up flicker.  It said:  “If a flicker has come into your life, it indicates a time of rapid growth and trust. Flicker will awaken a new rhythm and the ability and opportunity to manifest all-healing love.”  Oh my, was I ever off in my recollection and attitude towards that recent visitor… and how glad I was for this correction! And the timing felt portentous given that Inner Sight was in the process of merging with Isha Lerner Enterprises. Each of these seemed relevant and I felt reassured about our future.  It was also a good reminder to me to be patient.

The third natural event was that Mercury was going into its first retrograde of 2011 so I thought it a good idea to look this up as well. It said: “All of the Mercury retrogrades in 2011 are in fire signs, which emphasizes the energy, enthusiasm, innovation and spark we put into our activities. We are changing and adjusting our thinking and thought process regarding the activities that we are involved in and especially as the Aries energy sets the pace for the year, we will move into the directions that are the appropriate reflection of the true self. Because 2011 is universally a FOUR year (in numerology), this Mercury retrograde process becomes important in the major adjustments as we move our efforts to organize, plan and launch our innovative resourcefulness into new directions.”

It was quite a week that reminded me how fortunate I am to live in a place where I can interact and learn from nature, for each of their messages was encouraging, indeed!

Last week I turned eighty and it was hard for me to believe!  Friends kept asking me about my plans and I said I had nothing special going on which was true, for my docket included a quick lunch with my son, a very overdo appointment [...]]]> The unexamined life is not worth living. Carl Jung

Last week I turned eighty and it was hard for me to believe!  Friends kept asking me about my plans and I said I had nothing special going on which was true, for my docket included a quick lunch with my son, a very overdo appointment with my hairdresser and perhaps a dinner meeting if I felt up to it.

What this brought forth, however, was a question that until now, I’d not bothered to ask myself: why, during my adult life, have I so consistently downplayed my birthday as something barely worth celebrating?  As a result of what I wrote in my prior blog, I got some insight and recalled one probable answer.

I’ve concluded that the idea of original sin would more appropriately be thought of as original shame. I say this because of a rebirthing session I had in my fifties, when I recalled hearing my father say: “Oh, no, Helen, not now!” in response to my mother’s news about my forthcoming arrival. Though I’ve had this information for years, I’d not fully felt the impact of it until just now, due to what I realize were probably strong, unconscious feelings of shame around my birth that I have carried throughout my entire life. Shame on me for intruding on my parents as an uninvited guest!! No wonder celebrating my birthday has frequently not felt like a cause for celebration!

In my rational moments, I can empathize with my father’s attitude towards having another mouth to feed during the depression, for it just added to his burden and both my parents’ stress levels. Besides, I was probably right in sync with the majority of my generation, many of whom may have been equally unwelcome under the circumstances. But when I allow myself to feel, what comes up is painful, for I then get in touch with strong feelings of unworthiness and being the naughty little girl who couldn’t do anything right. Though my prior blog touched on this topic of shame, I had no idea that I would find it in my own self so soon!

No wonder I’ve stuffed feelings like this below my conscious awareness all these years!  No wonder I, and probably millions of other children for a myriad of additional reasons, have learned to keep such feelings tightly locked inside! But doing this is self-defeating. What a predicament!  It’s one of those many “between a rock and a hard place” dilemmas. Do I learn to tolerate the pain of feeling such feelings or continue to live half numb in defense against the pain? Fortunately for me, I began learning how to do this some fifteen years ago, so I can now rest comfortably in the knowledge that the pain, once confronted and released, is only temporary and will sooner or later subside while the numbness will remain permanent if I keep trying to defend against it.

Pathwork Lecture #202 says “Whether I know it or not, the moment I admit what I am doing, I am committing an act of love.” After reflecting on this quote for a bit and applying it to my present situation, I concluded that I had not allowed this memory to seep into my heart and that this simple act of admission would be the greatest birthday gift I could give myself in spite of the hurt. And this proved true, for as I brought it to consciousness, I felt brighter almost immediately and experienced the rest of the day as very special indeed as simple things became so much more pleasurable.

I was inundated with beautiful flowers, tender and thoughtful wishes, clever and amusing cards with lovely notes and fun conversations, all of which made for a truly memorable day. People’s kindnesses touched me deeply and I became a more gracious receiver, which had not been one of my attributes heretofore, in spite of frequently praying for a more grateful heart. Then I had to acknowledge that the act of giving can only be complete if there is a welcome receiver and if it is to be mutually joy-filled, then both must do so from their hearts. How can I be a good receiver if I feel unworthy of gifts? The answer is that I can’t any more than I can love another if I don’t love myself. After all, you can’t give what you don’t have any more than you can teach what you haven’t learned. This may sound simple but that doesn’t mean it’s easy for it’s anything but!

I find myself both amused and dismayed to think I’ve become this old before I could move beyond mouthing these words to actually living them, at least in this case! “Better late than never!” I keep telling myself. Maybe if I live long enough I might finally become a human being rather than just a human doing! J

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!