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When separation and divorce swoops into a couple's life, the experience can be like a thundering catharsis, unleashing multiple layers of emotion; some positive, others painfully hard. Feelings such as defeat, failure, shame, and disappointment can haunt one's inner life, for marriage is a tradition that ties a knot of hope deep within our hearts. It is one of the few sustaining rituals we have preserved in our modern world. Few people enter marriage half heartedly, and few people leave it unscathed.
It is estimated that 50% of marriages end in divorce, indicating that millions of people go through this life changing event. In as much as it would be preferable to have all marriages enjoy the graces of "living happily ever after", the hard facts reveal that this is seldom the case. If divorce becomes one's destiny, a crucial piece to the ritual of marriage is missing. This fragment is the "ending process". Ondrea and Stephen Levine's book "Embracing The Beloved" offers a Zen teaching given to them by Achaan Chah. His message is, "The glass is already broken".
"Achaan Chah held up a fine crystal goblet presented to him earlier. He said he liked the goblet very much: the sun splayed rainbows onto the water as it passed through the glass, the fine crystal rang when tapped. But when the sleeve of his robe brushed it from the table, or the wind blew it from the shelf and there it lay in its new incarnation, its light broken into a hundred shimmering shards, he was not disappointed or surprised. Because he knew the glass was already broken. Even when first seeing the glass, he had acknowledged its impermanence and appreciated it "for all it was worth". He recognized that "goblet" was just one moment in its process-one name in a thousand shapes and incarnations from dust to pearl.
Why, if a relationship began in love, can it not end with the same care and devotion it started with? (Barring the unfortunate cases of real abuse, physical and emotional). It has been stated that love is not the opposite of hate, but that love is the opposite of power. Most relationships dissolve due to power struggles, judgments, and unhealed traumas and wounds from the past. Love brings people together, power can often separate them. Individuals in conscious relationships search deeply for the pearls of wisdom that may help them understand why relationship is not working. If, after long and sincere self reflection, the marriage or relationship moves toward completion, it becomes crucial to accept closure and healing as the next fertile step toward understanding the true "power of love"; letting go into the changing tides of destiny.
Some of the most profound sessions that I encounter with clients is when they face such times of transition. New consciousness and commitment to the "awakened soul" has lead many couples to a path of loving and forgiving themselves and each other through the changes. Many of them initiate a closing ritual, honoring the past and heralding the future. Some send announcements to friends and relatives, sharing their loss and grief, and their new beginnings. I am in awe of such love.
Often the couple will request a "completion" chart for the marriage, as well as a tarot session as a part of the ritual, birthing forth the hatching of new potentials in both individual's life. This is humbling work, for, we all stumble in this vast territory of love, and I learn so much from these brave and conscious people.
It is uncanny how often a few powerful Tarot images appear time and time again in these types of readings. I thought I would share some of them with you as points of meditation along your path of Self Realization and wisdom.
On the theme of the "broken goblet" mentioned above, the card The Hanged One is an auspicious card mirroring Achaan Chah's wisdom. The process of emptying out and surrendering to the infinite sea of life's changes and transitions becomes the theme of this card. Neptune rules The Hanged One, overlighting this card with care and compassion, beckoning us to forgive and trust as we empty out the pockets of the past, cleansing our soul, and pointing our head to the Earth so we might hear the deep wisdom of the Mother calling us back home. The sorrow and grief that arises out of divorce can be stepping stones back into the labyrinth of our deep self, ushering us toward the treasures of Self yet to be found. It is often a time of retreat and silence, a voluntary withdraw. We reenter the world when new answers have been found, and the revelation of new beginnings are visualized.
The Judgment card is most common. Its appearance heralds a revelatory call to humanity that seeks to heal the judgments that cast us apart from each other; thoughts and perceptions that perpetuate shame and blame, the stuff that so many hurtful relationships are made of. It serves as a mirror to our ailing hearts, prompting redemption and revelation. Our own petty thoughts and personal trials may dissolve to be replaced by deep understanding and knowledge. Pamela Eakins PH.D. has this to say about the Judgment card in her wonderful book, "Tarot of the Spirit":
having seen it all,
having known it all,
having said it all,
having lived it all,
having done the process,
and having learned only that one knows less
than one knew at the start.
The Fool card has been the center of many readings, for it is the Fool's job to see to it that we learn the ways of uncertainty and learn to let go of the control factors that limit our potential to change. The key message is "concentrate on the present" and focus on the love and creativity that was forgotten. One must detach from the outcome and move with newly formed visions of faith, renewal, and adventure. Ultimately, one begins the profound journey through the keys of the Major Arcana, for the Fool opens the gateway to another cycle on the"Yellow Brick Road of life".
A beautiful and healing card that comes up, often calling up tears of love between two people, is the Ten of Cups. The number ten, numerologically, signifies transformation. This card reflects a divine message: "Be grateful, and be thankful for the love that has transformed your life". The next card, after the ten, in the sequence of Tarot, is the Page, or, one who listens. It is a contemplative card inviting one to journey deeper toward the new Queen and King that will be crowned within. One enters a time of alchemical reunion with one Self.
Whether it be through the Tarot, Astrology, or other means of mystical insight, let us all embrace the "power of love", and seek to live in reverent harmony with "right action". Completing relationships can be as sacred as beginning them. There is a fervent call to new generations to heal the "Cosmic Hoop" of birth, death, and renewal.
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